This Entry Provided in Part By: PBS

I often wonder if the types of television shows we exposed

ourselves to as kids have anything to do with how we are

today. I didn't watch anywhere near as much television as

it will seem after reading this entry, but most of the shows

I watched were a bit violent, and action-packed. When I

reflect on myself, I would actually consider myself rather

peaceful, and most definitely not action-packed. Maybe

all that is to take from the shows we used to watch is

that guitar-tapping is not used in media anywhere near

as much as it should be these days (Fox News actually

hasn't gotten the memo to stop using it yet). Here I

have broken down a few of the elements of shows I used

to watch that may have had an effect on the way I turned

out, or what I now choose to surround myself with.

Might as well start with the most obvious-

Barney was a part of most every toddler's life. He was a

role model, a friend, and most likely a product of an exotic

hallucination experience had by a PBS executive. Barney

(and his racial spectrum of friends) planted charitable, and

loving traits into our generation. I mean, just take a look

at the great deeds that are coming from Barney's purple

loins that are being bestowed upon society every day:

First of all, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were both

Barney kids at one point. Both of those brilliant minds

have now gone on to do extraordinary things for the field

of music. Because kids can never be exposed to too

much 2-dimensional music about secrets and first kisses.

Moving on...

Power Rangers was my absolute favorite show as a

child. I remember being fascinated by their different

colors and special powers. I wouldn't have be able

to put my finger on it then, but now I can see that I

was drawn to the fact that they all had things that made

them themselves. They all had special talents that

only they could do to protect the rest of the rangers.

And now, it also becomes apparent to me that this

theme song most likely gave me my only special

defensive power- writing really obnoxious guitar parts and

emotionally shallow lyrics as a defense mechanism

against potential friends.

Yeah, remember this day-ruining show? Seldom did I

ever watch past the opening theme, and I'm guessing

it was because they shove like 5 seasons worth of plot

lines down your throat in under a minute. However, the

opening theme has also taught me a couple life lessons-

For example, the creature at 0:46 has served, till

this day, as a perfect light on the simile "literally ugly as hell".

Puzzle Place! I used to adore this show. The only two

people that I've met that know this show are Natalie

Timpson and Ariel Hendrix. Which means they most

likely share my intolerance for people in America that

don't speak perfect English, because this show CLEARLY

displays that no matter where you are from, you can speak

perfect English. Actually, I think that might have been the

underlying plot to every episode. Even Sky can do it, and

he was probably introduced to variety of psychedelic

substances before he could even finish a puzzle.

This show reflects perfectly the character of the bowl cut

I had when I watched it. This clip is really long, and I

would highly suggest not watching the whole thing, but

I would like to first point out that this is without a doubt

the worst theme song ever, and second, that the

conversational exchange between the crooked cops

might actually be worse than that of the popular 2009

Dylan Self production Cop of the Line.

I had sort of a weird connection with this show. I used

to collect the toys before I even knew that the show

existed. So you can only imagine the excitement that

was felt when I realized that there was a Beast Wars

show in addition to the toys. An excitement that can

only be compared to that of the excitement felt by

Little Foot when he finally finds The Great Valley. If

you have the time, watching this entire clip might

render itself an entertaining experience to you, but

if not, there are a couple things you need to know:

1. United States of Eurasia was written about the dispute

over Energon.

2. 5:18- Tyler Tingey

3. 15:20- Spencer Tingey

And last, and most definitely least- Lamb Chop's

Play-Along. I've actually never seen an episode

of this show. Probably a good thing. I'm not sure

if it makes me happy or sad that entertainment for

kids can no longer be provided by a sock with

eyebrows, or a dwarf woman singing a song about

bouncing your anal cavity to different locations.

Ending while that last sentence's picture is still

fresh in your mind,

TT

Minor Roles

I can basically sum up my childhood up with the sentence "I grew up on a cul-de-sac with my best friends". I cannot imagine a better location to have grown up in because of the wide variety of experiences and personalities that would present themselves to the children of the cul-de-sac.

Remember on shows like Hey Arnold how there would be some ridiculous minor role character that was known for one thing and just appeared in one episode? Yeah, we had those on the cul-de-sac. For the most part, those of us that lived on the street just kept to ourselves. We weren't allowed past the mailbox on the right side of Dylan's house, which made everyone to the right of the mailbox a minor role character.

Possibly one of the most memorable of the minor role characters is Tornado Kid. He was apparently a grandson or nephew of the old witch that lived just outside of the mailbox, and he only visited once just for a few days. I first encountered Tornado Kid when I had gone outside to play and noticed all the other cul-de-sac kids were gathered around the mailbox and there was one boy that I didn't recognize standing on top of the mailbox. When I arrived I found that he was talking about how his school specializes in tornado tracking and how they have codes that they say when they find one. As a 7 year old, this was believable. Then he started talking about how he had an invisible watch that told him where all the tornados were, but he couldn't show it to us. The only other thing I remember about Tornado Kid was that one time during his stay I walked into my room in my underwear and he was outside of my window with his face pressed against it. I also recall him throwing a rock at Spencer's face.

Another character is a kid named Kalob. I remember he was really intimidating and always wore black. And whenever something good or bad would happen he would say "Thank Hitler" or "Oh my Hitler". I'm laughing to myself right now...

There was an older kid on the col-de-sac named Adam that didn't hang out with us because he was in 6th grade or something really old. But Adam would sometimes have his friends over and they would skate on a rail and ramp that they had made in the street and I, who happened to love the idea of being good at skating, was fascinated by them. The only time I remember coming in contact with Adam's friends was when Spencer and I had just gotten our first packs of Pokemon cards and they wanted to trade with us. In Spencer's first pack that he ever got, he got a Charizard. Since we had just started collecting earlier that day, we didn't know that having a Charizard card was the point that every Pokemon collector strived to get to, and Spencer happened to get one in his first pack. Adam's friends knew that we didn't know that, so one of them traded a less-rare generic card for Spencer's Charizard. I'm pretty sure that kid is living behind a Blockbuster and is addicted to heroin, so justice kind of served itself.

Dylan, Spencer, I know I'm missing some good ones so please elaborate on the stories I've listed and add more stories as they come to you.

And then all the sudden there's a formula.

"And then all the sudden" stories. We hear them more than we probably notice. In my opinion, telling these types of stories in attempt to have a sincere comedic effect is a lost cause to those with at least SOME clue as to what is socially acceptable. Luckily for you, I'm here to diminish your sense of humor. And with that responsibility, I have mapped out the formula so that you can make your very own "And then all the sudden story".

Transition Options:

and then, all the sudden, out of the clear blue, out of nowhere, and then straight up.

Formula:

Transition(2) + ridiculous addition to a real situation with no perception of a socially acceptable conversation x inaccurate information from a current event + obtrusive entrance of a character x childhood TV star committing a felony + addition that brings the story to a dead end= A high class "And then all the sudden" story.

Example:

[Setting- High School Health Class]

Teacher: Okay, so the guest speaker should be here any minute now...

Dustin: (leaning over to Chase) Dude, it's like all the sudden Chuck Norris just straight up kicks the wall down and is like "I'M YO FREAKIN' GUEST SPEAKA YO!"

Chase: And then Kanye West comes in and is like "Das a pretty good round house kick, but Taylor Swift's round hou-(interupted by Dustin because his addition was too stupid, even for this story)

Dustin: No dude, and then all the sudden Barney comes in with a rocket launcher and just straight up starts pegging Chuck Norris with rockets and then Chuck Norris just round house kicks him in the nuts.

Chase: And THEN Kanye West comes and is like "Das a pretty good round house kick, but Tay-"

Dustin: Dude, you said that already.

SCENE.

---------------

Feel free to comment with a story of your own using the formula. You will know if you're doing it right if you feel like your IQ dropped significantly.

I'm glad they lost.

As I submit more and more of my time to making my passion for music something permanent, I have been giving a lot of thought to where this motivation is coming from, and why from such a young age did I take music as a delicate art that required seeing as well as hearing, rather than white noise that makes you "happy" or "sad".

My association with the Green Valley High School 2005 Madrigals group was through my two cousins Wesley Tingey, and Emily Tingey. As a 12 year old, I was convinced that choir was the worst of all the performing arts classes. Despite my foolish opinions, I looked up to my cousins so much that I looked forward to seeing their group perform.

As I watched them walk on stage for the first time, I remember feeling very small. It wasn't so much that they were much taller than I was, but because they carried themselves like they had something that they knew could change how people live- and they had exactly that.

When the singers sang their first chord, I was immediately swept away with the 3-dimensional character that the unfamiliar style of music manifested. At that point, I was not familiar with the nature of harmony or chord structures, but I could see it very clearly as I listened to them. For me, music has always been defined by color. As I listened to the Madgrigals sing I could see the colors of the chord structures better than I could see them by listening to whatever generic rock music I was into at the time. I couldn't put my finger on it then, but in retrospect, I was so moved by that first chord because I realized that the music and the emotions were coming from actual people rather than actual people playing an actual instrument. As someone who plays an instrument, I can say that the manner in which instrumentalists show emotion through their instrument is very delicate. I know that if I'm having a more difficult day, and I come home and play a relaxing chord progression or melody to get my mind in order, I can still hear that I'm having a difficult day just in the way that I play even if I play it in the exact same physical manner that I would play it with a relaxed mind. The distorted emotion isn't coming from my playing of my instrument, or in my ear, but it's the empty space between the two. Now, with that being said, expressing emotion through choral music is delicate on a different plain because there is no middle man between the mind and the empty space. What you hear is the first hand account of the emotion being expressed by the musician. And in that choir I saw through hearing that this was a group of 40+ close friends expressing an identical emotion. That was an extraordinarily powerful, and effective subconscious realization to my 12 year old mind.

As the school year progressed, this high school choir went on to be esteemed as one of the best choirs in the nation. The 2005 Green Valley High School Madrigals ACDA recording is, till this day, the most purchased ACDA recording in the 50 years that the national convention has been active. With such momentum, the choir went on to compete in a competition in California. After an outstanding performance, all of the judges gave them near perfect scores. All of the judges but one, who, apparently escaped from preschool and decided competition time overlapped nap time, and gave them a low score because he was unconscious during it. The low score brought the winning average down and the choir "lost".

For all of these years I have thought about this choir as the group that was cheated because of some judge that was probably experiencing a side effect of fatigue from some E.D medication he was taking. But I reflect on it a little bit differently now. Music is a visual art. Painters have a canvas, and history shows that painters have expressed some of the most complicated emotions ever expressed within the limits of that canvas. Now what does that say about the responsibility of musicians? For musicians, everything that is not currently occupied with mass is our canvas- and that includes human emotion. If the listener's mind allows, music can paint pictures from corner to corner of an individual's imagination. And with choral music, this concept is brought to a new plain because it is being produced by the most sincere instrument of all- the actual genesis of the emotion. The 2005 Green Valley High School Madrigals were an example to me of what emotion can and should be- something to be valued, pondered, and most importantly- seen with one's imagination. If this choir would have gotten their deserved placing at the competition their legacy would be defined as "the group that won". What kind of primary achievement is a trophy and a title of winning one of the nation's most prestigious choral competitions compared to literally explaining the theory of human emotion to a 12 year old? I'm now going into college as a music major, and I will be a musician, and an artist of emotion for the rest of my life because of this principle taught to me by a high school choir. I'm glad they lost this competition, because it meant that they won.

You can just call me Mr. C.

We're all familiar with the feeling of turning into a classroom to find a stranger with a tag around their neck in place of your teacher. Sub days have an entirely different energy than regular days. Kids that never speak out in class all the sudden become miserable comedians, and for some reason EVERYONE has to use the restroom. If you are like me, you may have recognized a little bit of a trend in substitute teachers. Well, I broke down a couple of the familiar types of substitute teachers. Let's have a look-see-

Ah yes, the insecure sub. At the start of class, this sub will usually have to take a couple minutes to get the class to quiet down, and it is usually a student that actually makes the effective order. Once the class has given the sub their attention, this sub will smile nervously and then give a brief background on himself saying things like "I'm from a small town in northern New Jersey, but I gotta tell you- I'm a die-hard Red Sox fan", just praying that someone from the class will say "Red Sox fan? Pshh! You have got to be kidding me! Yankees all the way man!" just so he can plug himself into an almost non-existent high school sub-culture so he can add a pebble to his pride bucket. This never works.

This sub will then proceed to tell everyone what the agenda is. He will nervously look through the class-plans that the teacher scribbled down and will ask questions like "Uh, now do you guys usually do your warm-up exercise on the board before the vocab? Or..." After someone gives them proper instruction, the class begins to do their warm-up. After the class finishes their warm-up, they pass it up to the front person in each row like they do everyday. Then the sub will say "Uh, I'm actually not collecting it today..." and so everyone passes it back. The next day your real teacher will say "Ok, so yesterday's sub collected some of the classes' homework, but not all of them. Did he collect yours?", and then some kid will say "No, that sub was way sketchy! He kept looking at Talia!".

The laid-back sub. This is the type of sub that seems to only exist on Friday. His kind-of-cool presence will be enough to get the class to listen to him shortly after the tardy bell rings. He will then say something along the lines of "Hey guys, I'm Mr. Callahan, you can just call me Mr. C. Uhh...today is a pretty chill day, we're just going to watch *looks at the DVD case* Dirty Jobs. It's about pigs. It's pretty awesome." Then he says my favorite line- "Oh hey guys, before I start the movie, I have one rule. If I see anyone sleeping I'm putting your name down for your teacher and they can do what they want with you. So...no sleeping. Good."

At one point he will turn down the movie and say "Hey guys, I understand we're a little chatty because it's Friday, but lets try to keep it down just a little bit...sweet."

Ugh, the sub that makes you think about the b-word, and addresses herself as a "Guest Teacher" rather than a substitute. She's still a substitute.

For some reason the class tends to be the most out of control when they see this type of sub on the scene. She stands at the front of the class in the beginning of class, and waits a minute after the tardy bell rings. Then shouts "I need everyone to quiet down and be sitting in their assigned seats! I'm going to take role". She then proceeds to take attendance, butchering everyone's name, and then she comes to you and says the wrong name. You correct them and she looks at the seating chart and says "You're supposed to be sitting over there". You try to explain that the teacher switched you with another student for some reason (in a cloudy voice, because you weren't expecting to talk), then she responds "Well, just sit in the seat that I have you in for today", in a frustrated tone.

Then onto the agenda. She says "Okay, we're going to watch a film, and it says here that you must complete this pink worksheet along with the movie. That is due today".

This sub will often say things like "I'm not going to talk over you", or "I'm not going to remind you guys again to keep it quiet".

This guy, (who will remain nameless) is the type of sub that will hardly say a word the entire period, besides when he asks for someone to help him figure out how to work the DVD player, or when he says "There's already 3 people using the restroom so just hold on a minute".

Why is it that when a circumstance calls for people only to use the restroom when it is an emergency, every single instance is an emergency?

This sub will learn the name of the "bad kid", and will write it down on the report sheet.

And then on a completely unrelated note, this sub will get charged for domestic battery.

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All pictures brought to you in part by Google Images. It's amazing what you can find when you type in specific descriptions of people.

I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more.

I had a very interesting feeling as I was setting up the soccer field by myself early this morning. There were a couple of tractors on the opposite side of the field doing some unnecessary construction for our undeserving baseball team. One of the tractors started backing up and the same beeping noise tractors always make began to sound. I immediately paused in my slave work and flashed back to the mid 90's, playing at a park in Mississippi with wood chips instead of sand, and a perimeter completely composed of thick trees instead of stucco houses that all look the same. With this memory I can quietly hear the chanting choruses of Smashing Pumpkin's 1979, and The Cranberries' Dreams. I'm not burdened with Major Work Study Guides for poorly written books, or a desire to wear anything more stylish than teal overalls.

I vividly remember sitting in a corner of the park by myself several times, and staring at the light blue southern sky, and looking around at the golden brown eternities of forest around me. I never played on the swings, or had a desire to play with the other kids that came and went on the other side of the playground. I would just sit and listen to myself breath, and think about the colors I was looking at, the music my mom was listening to on the radio on our way there, or the tractors that were beeping faintly far from the surface of my attention.

Often times I think about how many things are changing. How my friends are all at college, how I can drive myself where ever I need to go, or how I expect myself to make fully thought-out long-term decisions each and everyday. And it is so easy to dwell on that. In fact, we're told to focus on the future. But what I realized is that what gives me confidence for the future is the momentum of the past that is pushing me, and the thoughts and feelings that have stayed with me my entire life, forward. The matter isn't that at one point I was playing at a forgotten park in Mississippi, and now I have to face the real world and make real decisions. The matter is that the same hands that used to play with the wood chips at the park, are now applying for college, writing sincere music, and preparing for a mission. They are the same hands.

Just because I'm not literally observing the geographical features of Mississippi, doesn't mean I'm not doing it everyday in the way that I conduct myself.

Rotten Tomatoes

73%

TOMATOMETER

How does the Tomatometer work

Rated: R (the F-word is heard more than twice during the duration of Tyler's life)

Runtime: TBA

Genre: Musical

Theatrical Release: Apr 30, 1992

Box Office: All the resources on Earth minus Tyler Tingey's carbon footprint.

Synopsis: Tyler Tingey [Tyler Tingey] was never one to talk to farm animals. But one day, Tyler's world was turned topsy turvy. Tyler is perfect for the entire family [if you have 90+ years to spare, and your family members are masochists]. Experience a world with Tyler as he writes and creates Grammy nominated music with his closest friends, and breaks his thumb, but doesn't go to the Doctor for 4 months because Oliver Tingey [Oliver Tingey] is a rotten, terrible, piece of...[more]

Starring: Tyler Tingey

Director: God

A look into the man they call "T-Money", "T-lishious-T", and "Oliver Tingey's Cousin"- that's what "Late Night with Tyler Tingey" has generously given the world- a guide to understanding the man behind the guitar. And heaven above knows we needed one. What used to be clicked only upon finding no notifications on facebook has become a bookmarked favorite on everyone's mac computers.

It's summer in Las Vegas, and your children are waiting in an idle car on the driveway. But your life is in idle until you peer into the mind of Tyler Jordan Tingey. The children can wait. - Wesley Tingey, Brigham Young University

Being with Tyler has been like purchasing a Mac. He never changes physically. He may get some dents and scratches (a beard or an afro) but overall he doesn't change. He's still the same height, looks the same and he hasn't gained a pound (except those couple pounds on the church history trip that none of US notices but Jessica Welch certainly did...). But here's the thing about a Mac... you download all the updates and iLife and make it better and better! ...or in some cases (Tyler's) weirder and weirder. But mostly better and better. - Oliver Tingey, Brigham Young University

Even in the wake of today's economic climate, the surplus of Tyler's lucrative social presence has been both plentiful and undeniable. In accordance with the kitsch and postmodernity of his humor (the progressive experimental nature of which he is so innocently unaware of) Tyler has, however, sparked heated debate across the board. Audiences will surely be divided, but either way you look at it, it's impossible to deny Tyler's warm intent. - Dylan Self, University of Nevada Las Vegas, www.dylanself.blogspot.com

Tyler Tingey is a... person. While his life has generally retained a traditional sitcom feel, it has recently taken a turn to appeal to ... [an] indie audience. ... stylistic romp. - Spencer Tingey, Brigham Young Univerisity

Too bad the 3D glasses can't fix the poor writing. - Dave Libarger, eFilmcritic.com